Confessions of a Drama Junkie

You know what I miss?  I miss the simplicity of high school.  Before my entire future was being based on everything I did, well it was but I didn't care to notice.  When I could be amongst all my friends for hours everyday, and when nothing really mattered yet.  Now I am researching places to live someday and thinking about what schools I need to go to in order to have the house of my dreams.  Since when did these things become important?  I found myself feeling way too old when Ryan told me he passed three classes with a C- and I said, "and that's an accomplishment?"  HAHA  In high school, I did the exact same thing!  Minimal effort, to make my life easier, well my life for the moment. 

I hate myself for not having anything better to write about, and a part of me is even too embarrassed to post this boring one, but who knows, maybe someone will at least watch the movie. lol.  I promise to make a better blog here soon!

What a week this has been! Games, friends, a party or two, and lots of time with Ryan. It has been awesome and now I just wish I didn't have to go back to being the responsible young adult I have to be these days. Why didn't anyone slap me when I said, "being in high school is too hard." lol.

ADIOS!

Ryan underneath an Allosaurus at the Exhibit Museum in Ann Arbor.
We had a really awesome day!
For those who didn't already know, Ryan wants to become a museum curator someday.
So he can use his knowledge and creativity to display his passions.  =)




Fuzzball and Zephyr.  They're both boys, but they cuddle more than Ryan and I do!



No offense, but I hate it when guys wear dresses!  It just dosn't compliment our shape!



Who in America doesn't know Recees, Snickers, and M&M's are "hot sellers"???



I like to call this one, Motherhood.  HAHA.

More pics from the Museum.  =)  Enjoy...

Sorry for not having a new post for the last few days, there never seemed enough to really add anything to the blog. I suppose since waiting for so long, only a few days, I have enough to make a decent post. To start things off, Ryan and I went to visit his Aunt Jo and her ex-husband Uncle John. His aunt is one of the kindest woman I have ever met! She is a true Christian, she never casts judgment for that is God's place and not hers. You have to admire someone who knows their place! lol. She was Ryan's first relative to accept mine and his relationship and also the first to embrace me as one of the family. I was at first uncomfortable with how comfortable she was with me! She asked me to think of her as an "in-law" which was not the most relaxing thing to hear. If I wasn't afraid of commitment before, she sure brought it home! Still, occasionally we go and see her. She lives in an apartment alone and her home definitely reflects her personality! She has pink walls and lots of religious art! Phrases from the Bible cover her living room and her older than old couch reflects a time in which flower print furniture was a "hip" thing. lol. Although to be honest, her couch is really comfy. Another thing that clutters her walls are more video tapes than I would think could possible fit in such a small place. She has recorded more movies than I have probably seen and keeps countless home videos which keep Ryan and I entertained for the few hours we spend with her from time to time. These videos have given Ryan and myself some of the only glimpses of his childhood as well as his deceased biological parents. (I would put more to that story but Ryan's asked me to keep it personal, in case you didn't know, he refers to his maternal grandparents as "Mom" and "Dad" now).

I have become obsessed with his birth-mother. Always wondering what she was like and how she would have looked. The few videos we have seen can give me some ideas onto this, but my imagination still keeps going. I see a longing in Ryan's eyes whenever he sees those tapes, and he immediately distances himself from the rest of the people in the room. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I can tell something "clicks" as soon as they are on the screen. As if he is trying to remember something he can't. Her voice is only through recordings and her smile will always be pixilated. If there was one thing I could wish for him, it would either be for him to get one true memory of his parents or to even defy the laws of life and death by giving him the chance to see and feel them again.

Ryan's heart not only aches for those he cannot ever have back, but also for those he has. Being that Ryan's grandparents are much older than even mine, (they are hitting their 70's soon), he knows that they will die long before he is ready to be without parents. I have stayed awake some nights, listening to him talk about that day and seeing his eyes fill with tears. His regrets will surface immediately whenever this conversation comes up. "Did I spend enough time with them? Do they really know how much I love and need them? Could I have been better behaved? Did I truly value them for what they were worth?" I cannot understand this kind of pain, he is alone. I guess I can look at my own parents' age as a blessing. They are not even forty yet and so I still have many years to be with them, should nothing tragic happen of course. Ryan, on the other hand, has to face the fact that his parents may never see his own children and the man he will someday become. I desperately wish things could be different but as they say, "everything happens for a reason."

Ryan's parents dying before he will ever be ready for will give him something as well as take something away. Though no amount of money is worth the love of a parent, it will still help him in the long-run. Ryan will inherit enough money to create a comfortable life for him and his family, as well as property should he choose to keep it. In some sense, by having both sets of parents die, they have guaranteed Ryan a comfortable, stable life as well as a good future for his own children.

Well, I apologize for the "downer" post, but it has been on both of our minds for a few days and I really needed to get it out. Next time I can post something a little more..."upbeat" perhaps. Until next time, Adios, readers!